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Jane Austen once wrote,
“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a [knife].”1
And ‘tis true, so my media-mini-mogul eyes tell me, on the daily.
A new shot —
A school shooting — typically taking place in the vast wealth of a Western nation with more creature comforts than ‘Willy Wonka’s Wholesale Mattress Shop’2
A verbose, controversial-opinion-piece on a topic — spewed out with an oh-so-delicate balance of venom and clickbait on the mind, nursing a mean single-shot espresso in the back of a Central London Starbucks3, far, far within the maddening crowd
An alcohol-fueled brawl — gotten out of one hand, forming in the fist of the other limb, and spreading with the breeze of a wildfire through all the afflicted £6.50-a-pop-Jell-O4-shot parties
An over-explained analysis of a movie shot — a vehement defence of a single frame’s greatness, as if the world’s will to live rested in a single, off-kilter martini shot at the end of a long day of spending millions to make millions (or art, darling!)5
Each day, new tortures are carved in the breast of the world by those with a little too many — or too few (?!) — blankets swaddling their heads.6
As if comfort — the world’s greatest fortune, especially to the world’s most unfortunate — were the catalyst that broke the pearly-white enamel’s back. Continuously.
Do the richest not have the most depraved of stories?
From Michael Jackson’s Neverland7 to an afternoon tea of adrenochrome harvesting8, whispers of the worst always trickle from above. Always from those typically single in stature — set apart from the fold of the mould through a belching dose of individualism. A quiet cry of the single men possessed by good fortune — “If I am not me, who am I?”9
And the answer to the existentially-awful moans of an identity that never fully forms — an ongoing soft spot in the big boy’s head — are shots and knife slits, tearing through the fabric of space, time, and the clothing of those less fortunate than they.
We see a daily rebellion against good tidings.
Universally, we do. So says Jane.
But do we already acknowledge it? Or do we need to acknowledge this more?
What brings a cure to the comforts of comfort?
And do the violently-comfortable deserve pity?10
I mean… they’re in possession, after all, right?
So, who we gonna call? (Because they already tore the female Ghostbusters to absolute shreds…)11
And their parents’ phones are off-the-hook in more ways than one:
A. Everybody’s already calling them
B. They’ve disconnected the phone line
C. It’s never truly another’s fault… is it?12
Footnotes
I may have adapted the quote slightly. “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.” ― Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
Currently seeking funding in Seed A VC (that stands for Venture Capital) round.
This Starbucks, in particular: 116 New Oxford St, London WC1A 1HH. Alejandro Javier Garcia’s review summed it up nicely: “He made us feel very uncomfortable.”
Given that Gelatin, “produced from collagen extracted from boiled bones”, was, in the Victorian Era, “the province of royalty and the relatively well-to-do”, this is actually a rather reasonable price.
The Cum-stained Cult of Kubrick (post in the works), is driven by Big-K’s “notorious obsessiveness [ ] at once impressive and ridiculous” — much like Eurovision — so says The Economist.
Some studies say yay, others say nay. Whose in the right, given as they’re both highly scientific?
I.e., never-speak-of-this-land.
As a YouTube comment once said of the ‘Too Much Adrenochrome’ scene in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, “This is one of my favorite movies of all time despite the fact that it makes me feel uncomfortable and claustrophobic throughout 3/4ths of the run time”. Humans are odd.
BREAKING NEWS: Eminem has the answer: “I am whatever you say I am; if I wasn’t, then why would you say I am?”
Redditor NovaInvicta (who has a separate passion for plants) said in the aptly named r/unpopularopinion subreddit, that “I feel sympathy for school shooters. […] Clearly angry and aimless, lots of general pain... I'm sure all these people lived lives that were completely dominated by immense psychological pain...”. To which another Redditor, luvdisclover, (who has a separate passion Siamese Fighting Fish, wrote: “im in a lot of pain too and i dont shoot up schools lol”. That’s a touché-and-a-half.
As Alissa Wilkinson from Vox wrote: “The Ghostbusters backlash was also perpetuated largely by a violently vocal minority and took some of the same shape as Gamergate, particularly in the ways it targeted women and people of color.” [My emphasis].
“After all, how could they be oppressors, [ ] when they all feel so alone?” — Joseph Earp